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Thread: would you like to hear a joke?

  1. #411
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    Did ya hear about the bi-sexual donkey?

    he had a he in the morning and a hore in the afternoon

  2. #412
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    A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
    comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you
    probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
    You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...
    "Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is,
    your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got ~9000 in insurance
    compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new
    willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But
    the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's ~1000 an inch."
    The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to
    decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better
    discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and
    you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if
    you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five
    incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she
    plays a role in helping you make the decision."
    The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
    day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
    "I have," says the man. "And what is the decision?" asks the
    doctor.
    "We're having granite benchtops."

  3. #413
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    amazing simple home remedies

    1. To avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables, get someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

    2. To avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat- use the sink.

    3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. [remember to use a timer.]

    4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives - you'll be afraid to cough.

    6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

    daily thought:

    some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

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