PDA

View Full Version : continue the story



eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 02:33 AM
I was pretty bored................. so here is the beginning so you guys finish it lol



(This is a work of Fiction...drive sensible haha)



Its 2am not a speckle of life is on the highway I'm sitting in my car MX83 Cressida stock as a cock with just a v-opt.co.jp sticker on it as I'm a fan of the videos Well I'm driving maybe going around 120 km/h when I see a set of lights appear behind me in the distance I slow down just to make shore I wont get busted if they were of the pork variety the lights are getting closer and closer I feel a feeling in the pit of my stomach like a fear of that of death itself. The lights a nearly right behind me now but I still cant make out what it is the lights blaring in my mirrors then it passes me like I was just standing still recognized the trademark circular head lights and the purr of the engine it was a R34 with a God like Aura…

I gun my car utilizing the maximum of my 7MGE but I knew it was of no use so I slow down and pulled over

In an emergency bay just to chill for a second clearing my head in the ray of the crimson moon, I think to

Myself:

"I will meet that car again and I will be ready"



I woke up with a head ache (I shouldn't stay up all night all the time). But my head wont clear I cant get that of that Black R34 out of my head. Its power was unnatural it was something to admire but also at the same time Fear….




"WAKE UP IAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"





I heard my mums voice in the distance calling from most likely the computer room where she normally plants herself all day "you are going to be late for your graduation ceremony!" she yelled "Meh" I thought I was glade to be finishing High School it was useless and Took up too much "Arcade and drink time". I didn't really have many friends in high School I was pretty much a loner who couldn't get along with anyone… didn't really care though I had my car and my friends out of school to keep me from getting bored…



I hoped in my car chucked on my favorite Dragon Ash CD and took off to my old school. "This car…I need to fix this car if I will ever get the chance to beat that Skyline." I though to myself, cruising along. I took a scenic route thru the back streets for some fun. …Then I sore it the black Skyline it must have been fate for us to meet again…I must meet that driver. I Gunned it with out thinking... loosing rear traction " Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit " quickly counter steering to regain control " wow I drifted hahaha cool" but in all the excitement I lost sight of my target. The skyline was yet again gone….

Fuck!!!



The graduation was boring and pointless like I expected the Teachers giving there usual Bullshit speeches about how we where the greatest class they have ever taught and they will miss us dearly and the best of luck in our Futures after the formalities were gone all the students went to the Playground and gave there teary good byes to each other (with little meaning as I knew most of these people just pretended to like each other) I couldn't stand it so I took off… I went to car park to hope into my car but then I just turned around and thought to myself "finally I'm out of this place, I have all the free time in the world" and with that I turned around hoped in my car and left leaving hell behind```



When I got home My mom must of left for work as no one was home as my sister works the day shift so she wont be come till 11pm. So I chucked on my CD player cranked it up and set at the computer. I usually just haunt the local car forums as their great Info Hubs on finding cheap Parts and what's going on in the Industry. So I log on to a Drift site to see what's going on...just the usual Keyboard Warriors in Battle

"Fuck this" I thought to myself

So I hoped off the Computer and jumped in my car.

After seeing the R34 in Action I wanted my car to be that level so I decided to go down to the local Wreckers to see what there got in stock...once I got there as usual it was a mad house the Owner My friend, Mr. Muneneko usually has great deals all the time and tends not to rip off people like most of the other wreckers Mune sama* as we like to call him was a big time street racer back in his home land of Japan before Immigrating to Australia he is great person to know even more useful then the Forums when it comes to seeking out rare parts.



"Hi Mune Sama" I said



"Welcome Iain san*, How My I help you today?" he said cheerful



"I need my MX83 to go faster it need to compete against a R34"



"Wow you choose such a hard target who's R34 is it?"



"I don't have a Clue All I know it's a Black R34 with God Like Aura surrounding it, it runs the M5 early in the Morning.... I think the Driver is female," I said



"A girl?" he murmured under his breath



Mune Sama paused for a second I couldn't tell if he was scared or excited then he said



"Interesting the RB26 is very Powerful engine and when Utilized with a skilled Driver it shows no mercy Back in Japan when I raced in my Supra the only car that could keep up with me was the Skyline in a sense the tw0 cars rival... I think I got what you need be right back"



And with that he left kinda skipping half way after a couple of minutes he returned and said



"Meet me in the Garage out back"



With curiosity I went out the front door and around the back



"GRRRRRRRRRRR"



I jump and realized that I just past Muneneko's guard dog, musashi's kennel

"Urasai!!!! BAKA INU" I heard his master say. With a laugh at such great Japanese language I continued till I arrived where they kept the half cuts and wrecks and where mune Sama was standing.



"Here" He said pointing up at a JZX100 which seemed to be rear-ended by a Semi trailer. What am I supposed to do with this I thought and then he said again



"This arrived last week from my brother's shop in Japan ...as you can see the previous owner wasn't the luckiest of people (pointing at the remains rear of the car) so he decided he needed to leave the racing world and with that gave his wreck to my brother but with a car with such a bad aura he gave me it...he isn't the smartest of people"



Popping the bonnet...I looked in to the engine bay and my eyes widen like a child eyeing candy. A 2JZGTTE.



Mune Sama seeing my grin on my face then said



"This engine is produces around 550hp with its AEM EMS and T58 turbo I'm not going to go into detail about the other modifications but you can see its been well built"



Then reality hit me...how the heck can I afford this its got to be worth nearly 6k my car didn't even cost me that much. I think Mune Sama sensed that and said



" Are you still at school?"



"No haha U graduated today funny that you ask."



"Oh I see so do you have Job?"



"Ahhhh no not yet..."



"Ok.... your hired"





I never expected this I was in shock



NANI!!!!!!!! I said out of shock



"Haha I see that you been studying Japanese reason is that I know your a good kid and you always used to come here after school the past 13 years always pester me about random things but I knew you had a passion for cars I watched you grow up and Mature and now I want to give something back so I decided to help you out this time "



I was taken back by what he said



"Arigatou gozaimasu Muneneko sama"



"Iie...Also I need someone to feed Musashi hahaha " mune Sama said with evil grin



"So" he said "bring your mx83 around the shop and lets get to work"

Klutch
4th October 2007, 03:07 AM
I'm confused.

That story was all over the place :s

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 03:11 AM
haha yeah well Im gonig to do my own web manga just getting the story out of the way haha

Javal
4th October 2007, 04:00 AM
ECD:

have you ever written a large / continuing story before?

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 04:02 AM
Nope first attempt but I have done a couple of Web comics

Javal
4th October 2007, 04:07 AM
Buy a whiteboard, and before you even start THINKING about writing, pen down all your ideas, even the little ones.

Then proceed to compile them in a verrrrry rough fashion (i.e. order of events) in storyboard fashion.

Then continue to add details, pad it out etc.

to quote pulp fiction 'it's the details that make the story yours'

:edit: also writing profiles / backgrounds on each of your characters contributes alot

DavisJD
4th October 2007, 12:28 PM
Also try not to copy the storyline's. There was alot of Wangan Midnight in there.

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 12:48 PM
haha not really though I enjoy wangan midnight my main character doesnt have a devil tuned S30 but a shitty MX83 he bought in banktown for 1500 hundred bucks, he races on the M5,kentlyn, kangaroo valley and some times at oran park haha, also the owner of the car wreckers name is Tittiecat translated.. also the main character is my alter ego personality.(except I dont have a japanese friend who owns a wrecker well not here anyways and I dont own a Cressie (too much of a poorPa) so i can fantasize haha but I did go out with a girl who drove a GTR last year....stupid whore lol)

Bustin_86
4th October 2007, 12:51 PM
Yeah, sounds like wangan midnight to me man...

It all sounds a bit try hard to. I dunno, that may be just my take on it :)

mike86
4th October 2007, 01:40 PM
keep writing, dosnt matter how crap ppl say it is im still gonna read it

puzzigully
4th October 2007, 03:21 PM
does... does anyone else smell the ghey?

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 03:45 PM
Yeah, sounds like wangan midnight to me man...

It all sounds a bit try hard to. I dunno, that may be just my take on it :)[/b]

ok how is it try hard? how would you change it?

bahnugget
4th October 2007, 03:53 PM
does... does anyone else smell the ghey?[/b]

it definately reeks of something!

sorry man but that was awful. Keep trying but it needs alot of work. Also repeating year 9-12 might be a good idea

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 04:04 PM
haha thanks :)

HighSchool and Iain didnt really work.

Bustin_86
4th October 2007, 04:06 PM
I dunno, its hard to explain, its kind of just a little bit to "You blew the welds on the intake!" for me.

eastcoastdrifter
4th October 2007, 04:15 PM
ahhhhhhhhh I getcha haha its not going to be like thaT lol fuck that shit its basically about a bum enthuiest from the western suburbs who first does the street "Thing" then goes to the track as he slowly gets addicted to racing,,,,,

Bustin_86
4th October 2007, 04:25 PM
Yeah maybe just go a bit easy with the tech talk, realism is cool but at the end of the day its a fiction, and you will have to be more subtle about how you incorporate fact into your story. Or it will just seem corny. Like maybe say something along the lines of "The car was slow until the rev's built, but once the needle rose the lag of my big turbo was replaced with a surge of power that forced me forward", rather than "I had a humoungous t88 big single from the automotive tuning house of trust. It sat proud on a highrise manifold that i sourced from ae86drivingclub.com.au and flouted its special song with a HKS screamer pipe that spits flames."

If you get what i mean.

Good books to resource the crossover of fiction and non fiction would be authored by people such as Matthew Riley, Tom Clancy etc... they all manage to integrate sophisticated technology seamlessly into their plots.

Klutch
4th October 2007, 05:05 PM
Yeah maybe just go a bit easy with the tech talk, realism is cool but at the end of the day its a fiction, and you will have to be more subtle about how you incorporate fact into your story. Or it will just seem corny. Like maybe say something along the lines of "The car was slow until the rev's built, but once the needle rose the lag of my big turbo was replaced with a surge of power that forced me forward", rather than "I had a humoungous t88 big single from the automotive tuning house of trust. It sat proud on a highrise manifold that i sourced from ae86drivingclub.com.au and flouted its special song with a HKS screamer pipe that spits flames."

If you get what i mean.

Good books to resource the crossover of fiction and non fiction would be authored by people such as Matthew Riley, Tom Clancy etc... they all manage to integrate sophisticated technology seamlessly into their plots.[/b]
I see someone took notice in English.

pebbles
5th October 2007, 02:21 AM
although the spelling errors, i still read the whole thing and enjoyed it. i want more!
i dont think it was that bad,
a lil more detail, a lil less speling errors and yeah should be poretty good

if u keep writing il keep reading

flamingheads
5th October 2007, 05:34 PM
You've been reading Over Rev haven't you?

EDIT: I just googled Over Rev and found that like another volume and a half has been put up since I last looked. I've been waiting sooo long for this :greenbounce:
I'm quite a happy panda right now.

eastcoastdrifter
5th October 2007, 06:46 PM
nope never read it before I mainly read comedy manga like love hina, yotsubato, and azumanga daioh.

stinger_007
5th October 2007, 07:55 PM
i dont like stories with out pictures..................................... Add some!

eastcoastdrifter
5th October 2007, 08:25 PM
well this is the car

http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs15/f/2007/018/6/9/Cressida_MX83_by_hakujinE.jpg

flamingheads
5th October 2007, 08:36 PM
And some constructive criticism:
How could a Cressida ever beat a Skyline, especially one with a "god like aura".
And even if you could see auras, how could you see them on the highway?

The first thing I thought was Cressida = Auto, Skyline = GTR

eastcoastdrifter
5th October 2007, 09:57 PM
You can see a persons "aura" easily if you look close enough



that is where the supra engine comes to play

Clinton
7th October 2007, 01:42 PM
it feels very.................JADM tyte. i agree with bustin though, you do need to down grade the ball bearing turbos and titanium valve springs. but needless to say was some good ideas in it. keep it up and youll have a good story